Do you speak kindly to yourself with compassion and love? Just take a moment to feel into that. Do you regularly praise, acknowledge and encourage yourself? If the answer is ‘No’ please know you’re not alone. So many of us are harsh, critical and negative towards our very selves as a default and don’t even realise we’re doing it, it’s just ‘how we are.’
But it’s never too late to flip the script and start treating ourselves like we're our own best friend. Remember the most important relationship we’ll ever have is with ourselves so let’s vow to make our mind, body and Spirit a gorgeous place to Be.
Our internal dialogue (or self talk) directly affects how we experience life. Say two people go for a job interview and neither of them get it. One immediately beats themselves up saying this is just another example of their incompetence and they’ll be stuck where they are forever. The other says they’re proud of themselves for even trying to move forward, they did their best and it must mean there’s something much better round the corner. It’s easy to see who's enjoying themselves and Life more.
Where does our self talk come from? If not challenged, the way we talk to and treat ourselves is largely a result of messages we received as children. This explains why some people seem ‘natural’ optimists while others focus on the negative. From birth to age 7 we’re a tiny little sponge, innocently open and receptive to the messages around us. Eager to understand and find our place in the world, we take cues from our authority figures; caregivers, parents, teachers and siblings. If we had authority figures who were chronically frustrated, depressed, fearful or distrusting then we might have downloaded that energy as the norm. We form our beliefs about ourselves depending on how we were treated by those who had authority over us. As children we haven’t got the skills or self knowledge to challenge negative untrue messages and bad treatment, instead we form beliefs about ourselves like we deserve to be treated badly, or there’s something wrong with us. Likewise if we see an authority figure treating themselves badly, this too has an effect since we become what we see. Without role models demonstrating positive self talk and correcting us when we talk negatively towards ourselves we develop inner chatter that’s loaded with guilt, shame, anger and frustration.
The great news is we get to decide what our own narrative is so no matter what’s happened in the past, we can choose to let that go and begin anew. We can change the way we communicate with ourselves and become the uplifting and empowering best friend we all deserve, it just takes some awareness and practice, like any new habit.
REWRITE THE SCRIPT
AWARENESS: - We can’t change what we’re unaware of, so getting to know ourselves and what our internal script is the first step to creating change. Mindfulness and Meditation are simple, powerful practices that greatly increase our awareness of our internal script.
PAUSE: When you notice you’re being hard on, critical or negative towards yourself, take a moment to pause, breathe and actively challenge yourself. Is what you’re telling yourself
- True
- Necessary
- Loving
If it’s not, offer another thought in it’s place that’s uplifting, supporting and encouraging. Acknowledge you’re doing your best.
AFFIRM: Powerful mind tools that help us rewire pathways of negative thought are affirmations. They’re amazing, best practised anytime but especially early morning when we wake up since the mind is at it’s most receptive. If you have a habit of calling yourself an idiot when you ‘make a mistake’ for example, a great affirmation could be ‘I am an intelligent, creative being capable of anything I set my mind to.’ Practiced enough times, this mantra will start to feel true and the voice that tells you you’re anything less than this will diminish until poof, it’s gone 😊
It’s time we reclaimed our power to stand in the Truth, that we are perfect exactly as we are. We are Love itself so let’s practice treating ourselves like it so we can receive all the goodness Life has to offer, beginning with receiving it from ourselves.